Every now and then I hear a song and it reminds me of something. No, not one of those sappy moments when the song brings back a memory of good times or bad times or lovers or friends. It’s always a song I’ve seen performed live and it always brings me back to that feeling of just being there. To some of you, it sounds silly (dumb, even), but hear me out (and for everyone who’s with me, get ready for the feels):
Live music isn’t like anything else you can experience. And it’s not about the candidness or the sincerity of the performance (although that doesn’t hurt). It’s not about the difference in music quality. For goodness sakes, I heard a song that Deadmau5 “played” while doing nothing more than standing on stage. If I just barely closed my eyes, I could see every person in that crowd and feel the lights on my skin. I could breathe the summer air and feel my heart pound with every beat. It still brought me to that place.
That place where everyone is happy just because they’re here. That place where everyone is your friend, even your worst enemy. Where there is this sense of community, of connection. Of knowing that, even if just for a few short (and possibly sweaty) hours, you are exactly where you need to be with exactly everyone you need to be with. There’s a swell of love in your heart, and a kaleidoscope* of butterflies flitting around from your stomach to your throat.
And suddenly, after hours or days, it’s gone.
But, one day you hear that song and you’re back. The butterflies come rushing to you again, and you feel the swell of happiness that only that moment could bring. Then, you look around and realize where you are. That doesn’t stop the good feelings, the memories, the happiness, but it does tug on you in an uncomfortable way. It makes you homesick for a place you never truly lived but could definitely call home. It’s not bittersweet, it’s not melancholy, it’s just a feeling. It makes you happy and sad and every variation in between.
And there’s no emoticon for that.
But, I’d bet you a million dollars, there’s a song for it.
(*yep, had to look up what a group of butterflies was called.. and yes, that’s really it. )